Being a people pleaser goes beyond simply wanting to help others. Here are some common signs that might indicate you’re a people pleaser:
- Difficulty Saying No: You find it challenging to decline requests, even when you’re overwhelmed or uninterested. The fear of disappointing others often outweighs your personal needs or boundaries.
- Seeking Approval: Your self-worth is often tied to others’ opinions. You seek validation and reassurance from those around you and feel anxious if you perceive disapproval.
- Avoiding Conflict: You go out of your way to avoid conflicts, even if it means compromising your own beliefs or values. Peace at any cost often becomes your mantra.
- Overcommitting: You frequently take on more than you can handle, whether at work, with friends, or in your personal life, because you don’t want to let anyone down.
- Neglecting Your Needs: Your own needs and desires often take a backseat to those of others. You might not even be sure what your own wants and needs are anymore.
The Pros and Cons of Being a People Pleaser
While being a people pleaser might seem like a negative trait, it’s important to recognize that it can have both pros and cons.
Pros:
- Strong Relationships: People pleasers often have strong social networks because they’re seen as reliable, caring, and considerate.
- Team Player: In professional settings, being a people pleaser can make you a valued team member who’s willing to go the extra mile.
- Empathy and Compassion: People pleasers are often highly empathetic, which can lead to deep connections with others and a strong understanding of different perspectives.
Cons:
- Burnout: Constantly putting others first can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and even resentment. You may feel like you’re running on empty with nothing left for yourself.
- Loss of Identity: Over time, you may lose touch with your own desires, needs, and even values, making it difficult to understand who you really are.
- Unhealthy Boundaries: People pleasers often struggle with setting healthy boundaries, which can lead to being taken advantage of or feeling unappreciated.
- Emotional Exhaustion: Continually seeking approval and fearing rejection can be emotionally draining, leading to anxiety, stress, and diminished self-worth.
Steps to Break Free from People-Pleasing
If you recognise yourself in these descriptions, don’t worry— I do too! However, change is possible. Here are some steps to help you break free from the cycle of people-pleasing:
- Recognize the Behavior: The first step is awareness. Acknowledge that you have a tendency to people please and understand the impact it has on your life.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Start setting boundaries by saying “no” to small things. Practice makes perfect, and over time, it will become easier to assert your needs.
- Identify Your Needs: Spend time reflecting on what you want and need. Journaling or talking to a therapist can help you reconnect with your true self.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that it’s okay to put yourself first and that doing so doesn’t make you selfish.
- Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and support your growth. Share your journey with friends or a support group who understand your desire to change.
- Focus on Self-Worth: Work on building your self-esteem independently of others’ approval. Recognise your value and worth, regardless of how much you do for others.
- Embrace Discomfort: Understand that saying “no” or setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first. That discomfort is a natural part of change and growth.
Being a people pleaser doesn’t have to be a permanent part of your identity. By recognizing the signs, understanding the pros and cons, and taking steps to prioritize yourself, you can break free from the cycle of people-pleasing. Remember, it is possible to be kind and considerate without losing yourself in the process. Your journey to self-discovery and empowerment starts with one simple step: choosing to honor your true self.
Do you fit the description of being a people pleaser? What steps will you take to break free?